My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
