Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
