you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
