How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
