Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
