you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
