im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
