What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
