i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just cropdusted the office
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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