No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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