he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
