3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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