There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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