i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
