i need an iv and a liver transplant
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Michael Bay diarrhea
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
