I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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