I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize