remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
