I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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