i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
