i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
