I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
