And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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