dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize