I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
