I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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