Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize