omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
