Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
