From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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