the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
