You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
