I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
