Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
