At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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