I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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