Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
