it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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