I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
