I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
