Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
