My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
