Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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