I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize