atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
