I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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