smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
