well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
