I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
