Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
