I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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