she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
