she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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