Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
