you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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