So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
