hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
