I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
