Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
