Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You ruined the universe
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize