Will you blow on my dice?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
