tell your sister to shave her snatch
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
