I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
