dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
