I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
