My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
