I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
