it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
