Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The air taste purple.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
