I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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