I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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