you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's like heaven, but drunker
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
