I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
