I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
