you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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