would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My ATM looks so different sober.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Couch. On fire.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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