he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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