Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
