I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
