I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
