I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
