this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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