Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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