haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You're like the curious george of whores
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
