who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
