Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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