WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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