Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize