Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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