I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
