someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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