He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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