why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
