Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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