First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
