You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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