He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
