Sorry, I don't speak sober.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So many bounce houses so little time
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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