Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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