Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
