Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
