I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
