Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
