I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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